Counselling, Psychotherapy, coaching or therapy

How do you choose whether you need Therapy or Coaching?

On my very first coaching course, much of the conversation centred around when you're working with a client, where Coaching stopped and Therapy started. Later when I got together with a Psychotherapy group, the same conversation was happening! So if we are all confused, what does that mean for everyone else?Trust me, in every group there is something of a narrative that says 'We have it right, everyone else is wrong and everyone must choose which camp they are in'.  I have had to navigate this belief as a matter of importance as I have never believed than any one modality offers a panacea to everyone.  

Stay with me whilst I dig in to what you should be looking for when you have no idea.  Because therapy and coaching is still such a unused part of our language we don't really understand the difference when we are speaking to each other, let along choosing the right practitioner for us!

As with all good therapists/counsellors/coaches, I will ask another question that might clean things up for you - What is it that you are trying to achieve? If you are trying to make some changes in your life that will return some sort of ‘normality’, you want life to be as it was ‘before’ the problem. You have an idea of how life should be - and you don’t want to suffer anymore. This generally falls into the category of Therapy and Counselling. We will return to these and distinguish between them later on.  

If you want some new horizons, to be able to express a new aspect of your life, maximising on what you already have, then that would mostly be Coaching. The interesting thing is that most people start by wanting to change something, and when that has dissolved, they then want to move forwards in new and exciting ways. In these instances, Therapy AND Coaching are intertwined and that’s where the line blurs.  

Then there are the people who have taken a wrong turn in their life somewhere and have ended up in a less that satisfying place and that may be causing them all manner of distress. But they are very clear about where they want to be going.  So you can see that by the definition above, this may be coaching OR therapy… and it’s even more complicated when you might consider that you may not know where you are or what you want! (Clue - you need someone that offers both)

Generally, Coaching is easier to distinguish as its goals will be more clearly defined.  You may be looking for Business coaching, that involves setting clear goals and building in accountability.  Looking for SMART goals and key performance indicators.  Perhaps its Career coaching, which will move you in a very specific direction from where you are now. Here I am talking about Personal coaching, looking at the What, Where, When and How of your life and how to get to where you want to be from where you are now.  Oftentimes, the goal can be a quality - I want to be 'Grounded' or 'Calm'.  Its generally easier to distinguish which Coach would NOT be right for you. 

But let’s continue on. Therapy is an umbrella term that can cover anything from Physical Massage, Reiki, Somatic Movement, right through to Psychotherapy and Counselling. One of the easiest choices to make is whether you want a talking therapy or a physical therapy. 

For the purposes of this article, we are dealing with talking therapy.  The most well-known talking therapies are Counselling and Psychotherapy in that they are widely available through medical insurance and mainstream medical channels.  The term Therapy would also be used to describe different forms of talking therapies such as hypnotherapy, trauma therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and other newer modalities that have excellent results in specific circumstances.  

Counselling and Psychotherapy approaches change through ongoing regular conversation - with the counsellor specifically trained to lead you into finding the information that you need to understand your problem and move forwards. Counselling is not specifically solution based, in that it isn’t looking for ways of solving problems, more about bringing a full acceptance and understanding of your position and how to move forwards is formulated in the fullness of time. You find your own solutions at your own pace.  Psychotherapy follows the same model, but as best as I can distinguish (as no one seems to know fully) there is more psychotherapeutic education involved.  Your difficulties are explained through the lens of various different models.  

One of the main differentials between Counselling/Psychotherapy and other talking therapies is the Timeframe within which you want to achieve change.  Counselling/Psychotherapy often looks to create a relationship over months or years.  Generally a traditional Psychotherapeutic relationship will be around 3 years of weekly visits.  This is obviously a significant financial commitment too.

Other talking therapies look more specifically for ways of integrating other tools to bring about more rapid change. Hypnosis is very effective at bringing about relief and has some amazing study results proving efficacy. Most of my clients move through long within 3 months- often in 2 or 3 sessions.  

So whilst you might be trying to decide which route to go, you will find that many professionals out there are already combining many ‘modalities’ together. 

So another way of working out ‘Which is better for me, counselling, therapy or coaching?’ would be to ask your friends and family. See who has already been down this route. For whatever reason, we still don’t discuss these subjects amongst friends and family, but you may be surprised at who has a recommendation for you. Very few of my clients share their journeys with a wide group of friends - but they will often recommend if they hear of someone in a similar situation. Importantly, consider if their therapy has actually led them to a better place in their lives?  

Look at the websites and feeds of local therapists/coaches and look for posts that resonate in some way with you. You will likely have a preference for what you think would work for you.  
Perhaps you are looking for a fast-paced solution, perhaps you are looking for gentle nurturing, or perhaps you are looking for a pragmatic and irreverent service that throws all sorts of challenging ideas at you. 

Some professionals are lead by challenging your intellect and others will take a more holistic and intuitive, emotional approach. Mostly we pick someone who echoes our own approach to life - it’s not a bad policy - you will likely pick the professional that seems to ‘speak’ your language. The most important aspect of any therapeutic/coaching relationship is rapport - this refers to the quality of the relationship that you have with your professional. Go with your instinct.  

There are a million different configurations of coaches, therapists and coach/therapists out there - many will train in one modality and then specialise, while others will add more and more tools and understanding, that will enable them to be able to ‘follow’ you and bring you exactly what you need. Counsellors also train in Coaching, Coaches add in Hypnosis, and Trauma Therapists sometimes add in Massage.  

What you need to know is that the progression of their learning will be down to their overall attitude to life.  Some will do a course and that's the end of it.  Others are always searching, refining and looking for mastery within their field. Pick the attitude that makes sense to you. The requirement for 'continued learning' is minimal - the most effective therapists/coaches  I have ever worked with complete what would be their annual requirement every couple of weeks.  

Nearly all will offer some sort of consultation or first appointment so that you can make your choice with a better understanding.  Again, trust me when I say as Therapists/Coaches we are only too happy to see if we are a good fit for each other.  For me its never a sales-pitch - I try and paint as accurate picture as possible based on the experience I have with others - how long will this take?  Can I expect to feel better at the end?  Take advantage of this service where its offered.  I offer a free Zoom consultation and I know many others do too.

Don’t be put off by someone that appears to ‘specialise’ in a broad range of problems, or a huge array of goals. When we are looking for a surgical or medical intervention then it makes sense to choose someone that does it all day every day, but I would say that this isn’t necessarily the case with coaching/therapy.  

Some interesting questions to ask during your first consultation or session - How would you summarise your specific style of therapy/coaching? Have you seen someone before that is similar to me and what was the outcome? Do you work with other professionals in different fields? How would you summarise my situation and how would you see us progressing from here? What would you expect to be the signs that I would notice first if this is the right path for me to go down? What continuing professional development do you do each year?

These questions might give you an idea of the ‘flavour’ of the therapist/coach. From there, go on instinct - if it feels like a good match and fit for you - make the commitment and move forwards.

Personally, I started with Hypnotherapy as it is proven, effective and often a bit like magic, and then carried on with Integrative Psychotherapy, Applied Neuroscience and Generative Coaching. I have studied for hundreds of hours and read hundreds of studies and books. I have been mentored and supervised for years by master coach Mark Schwimmer who, with 30 years of highly skilled work in transformation, challenges me to master my skills. I aim to bring not just results but also systemic change to my clients so that they get so much more than they ever thought was possible. I am also a skills-based coach for therapists/coaches to help integrate their work to a higher level. I mash everything together and often work with clients who have tried many other modalities and often traditional counselling and don’t seem to be getting to where they want to go.  

Whatever your need, there are many professionals out there who can work with you to help you get the outcomes you want. There is never one straight path or one answer. Ask for book recommendations and be prepared to really reflect on the changes that are happening and what then is possible for you. Professional coaching or therapy is not like going to a doctor to be made better. We cannot ever see our own issues and goals clearly and this is exactly what professional help is all about - having another set of highly skilled eyes to see where to put your attention to get what it is that you want.  Good luck!